When Women Educators are Commuters in Commuter Marriages

• Published in: Advancing women in leadership 2017-06, Vol.10
• Main Authors: Harris, Sandy, Lowery, Sandra, Arnold, Michael
• Format: Article
• Language: English
• ISSN: 1093-7099; 1093-7099
• DOI: 10.21423/awlj-v10.a150

"How difficult for [women], then, to achieve a balance in the midst of thesecontradictory tensions, and yet how necessary for the proper functioning of ourlives." (Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gifts from the Sea in Exley, 1996).She put down the telephone and shouted with glee! The dream job she had alwayswanted was hers. Just 40, with a new Ph.D. degree hanging on her wall, she wasnow officially a university professor. The new job was located 3 l/2 hours away fromher home and she and her husband who owned a small business had alreadydiscussed how she would rent a small apartment and work there four days out ofthe week and drive back to their home for a long weekend each week. He hadalready committed to going to all of their oldest son's soccer games since, as asenior, this was his last year to play soccer before going away to university. Theirmiddle schooler was oblivious to just about everything, but she knew her husband'sjob allowed him to be flexible enough to be around when he was needed. This wasMay 20.On July 8, she arrived at the university, unpacked in the small, furnishedapartment, and went to her new office. She had a great week teaching. On Friday,she drove home to be with her family. The second week of summer school, hermiddle school-aged son, rode back with her, because he had missed her, and stayedwith her that week in her apartment. On the weekend, they drove the 3 l/2 hoursback home. She spent the weekend running errands. The refrigerator was empty,the washing had not been done, and the house was a mess. When she left thehouse to make the 3 l/2 hour drive to her new "dream" job for the last week ofsummer school, she was crying. Her husband, who had been so supportive, at first,was definitely not happy that things were not running very smoothly at home. Shehad not realized how stressed her oldest son was about starting his senior year,until his soccer coach had called her about some problems they were trying to workout. She finished that last week of summer school. On Friday, she turned the key ofher new apartment in to the leasing office. She put the key to her university officein an envelope with a letter of resignation. She drove home and never returned.She just could'"št make it work.This scenario is not fiction. It happened and continues to happen frequently inAmerica today as women, caught in the double bind of needing to work for familyfinances and wanting to enter satisfying professional positions, are caught betweenfamily and career confl