“She’s not the child we had”: How parents reconstruct their child’s identity to include violent and with mental illness

• Published in: Journal of family trauma, child custody & child development (Print) child custody & child development (Print), 2024-01, Vol.21 (1), p.22-40
• Main Authors: Sporer, Karyn, Toller, Paige W.
• Format: Article
• Language: English
• Subjects: Adult children; Ambiguity; Children; Grief; Grounded theory; Identity; Mental disorders; Parents & parenting
• ISSN: 2690-4586; 2690-4594
• DOI: 10.1080/26904586.2023.2170942

This study examines the grief experiences of parents raising children with serious mental illness and violent tendencies (SMI/VT). We conducted in-depth interviews with 32 self-identified parents of young and adult children with SMI/VT. We employed a modified version of grounded theory for the data analysis, which revealed that the grief of parents of children with SMI/VT parallels that of parents whose children have died. To cope with their grief, participants reconstructed their child’s identity in one of two ways: (1) my child is absent (i.e., my child does not exist, this person with SMI/VT is not my child), or (2) my child is present (i.e., my child is here but the SMI/VT is not a part of my child). We frame our findings through the concept of ambiguous loss. Our manuscript concludes with recommendations for practitioners.